Fan26's Blog

 I am, frankly, a rather lazy person. I intended to write a short journal entry tonight in a diary I've not entered anything into in at least a month. However, I left this downstairs and it is now nearly midnight. I do not wish to get out of my bed. I have settled on the solution of using this blog, which I use less frequently than even my diary, to write a vague summary of today's events so that they are recorded somewhere outside the labyrinthine caverns of memory in my brain. Today I had to be at work at 7:30, and I arrived at time. I clocked out at 9:45 to go to a psychiatrist appointment, where my new doctor and I further discussed the new medications she has me on and her suspicion I am on the autism spectrum. I returned to work shortly before eleven in the morning. I worked until 4 PM that afternoon; originally I was scheduled to work until 4:30 but my manager said, unprompted, I could take off half an hour early and after confirming he really was fine with this, I accep...

 I am of insufficient emotional caliber to face these present times. My obsessive tendencies, sour disposition, fear of the other humans, and weak sense of self leave me a combative fool unable to properly and confidently articulate even his most firmly-held beliefs in an argument.  I feel as if I am driven insane every time I look into current affairs, which is to be frank all of the time. Curse my Twitter (not X, never X) addiction.  I have long been a critic of The Left, and their dearest desire, to undermine the principle of the nation-state through total ideological warfare on America, makes me sick to my stomach.  But antifascism as a guiding principle means I always must be ever more guarded against the depredations of the right, and these past months have driven me insane as everything I have ever believed in has been sent to the shredder on the whims of a couple of wealthy morons and their little toady, an ugly soul named JD Vance.  Kill me, kill me, I ...

  I think slop culture is bad. All these cheap modular buildings you see going up in shitty new commercial developments, optimised for the toxic car culture poisoning the fabric of American society.  I want my country to be better than shitty warehouse restaurants you don’t enjoy eating in, where half the time people don’t because they’re lazy assholes who DoorDash everything! These buildings aren’t places you go to anymore, they’re locations that are there .  What are Funko Pops? The same kind of shit slop, mass produced crap that doesn’t look distinctive at all! It’s not some Good Smile figma, a Gunpla kit, a LEGO Minifigure! It’s the same crappy blank-eyed, big-headed template with Pop Culture Character You Like™ pasted onto it! I hate it! It makes me so fucking angry. These are symptoms of the laziness and entitlement poisoning the American people, a disease of their own making. Cheap, vapid, commercial shit.

  I think it’s pretty awful that for over a week or so now, the discussion in America has largely focused on campus protests by college students rather than the still-dire humanitarian situation in Gaza, the looming threat of a full scale Israeli invasion of Rafah, or the discovery of mass graves outside hospitals in areas the IDF has retreated from. And, yes, generally as much as I agree with the sentiments espoused by this particular protest the student movements conducting them are still far-leftwing groups prone to dangerous mob mentality. They hold views I largely disagree with and many of them are deluded into thinking Hamas is objectively good.  But none of that matters once the riot police are sent in against student protestors who are unarmed and doing what is frankly, from an objective perspective that doesn’t care about Gaza, little more than an annoying sit-in of their own college. Not too long after 9 PM Eastern Standard Time tonight, April 30th 2024, NYPD riot p...

Something has happened these past couple of semesters, or the “2023-24 school year,” or whatever the hell you want to call it.  I can’t fucking work. I feel like I’m losing my ability to concentrate. This is my senior year of highschool (the 2020-21 school year, when everything was on Zoom) all over again. It deeply embarrasses me to admit this, but the very idea of sitting down and working causes a great anxiety to well up in me. I hate saying that, it makes me sound like some Tumblr theatre kid who uses mental health as an excuse to avoid all sorts of responsibility. (Think of the current discourse where entitled children larping as leftists claim they have a desperate need to DoorDash instead of buying frozen dinners because of anxiety or something…) For me, working with ADD is an experience comparable to walking before suddenly hitting a wall. The wall is the anxiety associated with focusing on whatever task I’m trying to complete. This wall is not impassable, it simply require...

  I love this country. When I travel by train this becomes quite clear to me how genuine my love is. There is ugliness, of course. Visible poverty and excessive wealth, rusted skeletons of old industrial centres, infrastructure waiting another year before it finally crumbles. (I am grateful that I’ve yet to see from the windows of a train any Confederate flags, a sight that is even today disturbingly likely to pop up when travelling by car through the South.)  But there are good  things too. Expanses of forest blanketed by snow. Graffiti on walls. Old buildings from better times. People living their lives in America. And new infrastructure being built! Just a few weeks ago I saw a big beautiful bridge under construction for a highway right by the New Jersey exit of the North River Tunnels. The train I was on exited the tunnel, I see one end of the construction site running parallel to the tracks, and the train doesn’t reach the other end of this construction site for anot...